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The Ring - More Journal Entries


July 21, 2008 12:31 AM

I'm a photographer, right.. and a visual artist. So when I tell a story in my head it's told in images. Tonight I am reminded of how I am not alone in the visual nature of my mind. Oddly enough the reminder comes from watching the tail end of a movie. The Ring. Like other horror thrillers it's a story that can and is told mostly with images. As gruesome and twisted as the film may be, the experience is so complete that it really hits home with me. It speaks in a language so similar in style (if not in content) as my own mind that I can't help but lose myself in it.

The Ring, The Cell, Akira Kurasawa's Dreams, all of them, among many others, open me up and talk directly in my own language. It is not unlike being the last english speaking man on earth, living like that for decades and trying to learn other languages, only to one day find another who speaks your native tongue. You don't care if they're an ax murderer, you just want to get lost in the sound of the words as they leave your mouth and hit your ears.  View / Post Comments

Long Time...


July 17, 2008 01:33 AM

...and then just like that, it was back. All the numbness gone, all the richness and love that life has to offer, back.

It's been a long time my friends. Far too long. But here we are, together again. I can't say for how long, or just where this may go. You know what though? That's ok. I'm ok not knowing what may happen next. I think a life of unpredictable beauty and unexpected pain is better than a lifetime of knowing exactly what comes next.

I'm back to help articulate a massive change in my life. I'm back to try and express the overwhelming sense of joy that arrived with the subtlety of a tornado and planted itself in my veins like an affliction.

Maybe in trying to explain it with words I'll find a bit of clarity. More importantly I hope to find even more ways to indulge in enjoying and feeling life again. Right now it's so very overwhelming. I feel so much good, so much love I don't feel like I have a clue how to express it all.  View / Post Comments

Outsider


January 06, 2007 02:16 AM

When I feel like an outsider is when I need it the most. When things are chaotic and barely in control that's when I want it. I spent my entire education learning this, learning that art and photography are the only ways I know of making sense of chaos. In the last few years I seem to have forgotten this entirely and moved on to more controlled areas of interest. I don't really want to think about that at the moment. This is a moment of chaos. This is a moment when I feel like an outsider.  View / Post Comments

The Edge - More Journal Entries
December 22, 2006 06:03 AM

One thing I've found in common with many of my friends who drink, which is all but one of my friends by the way, is that they put little or no thought into why they drink. I mean NO thought. It's just something they do just "because". I have trouble understanding this. It's as frustrating as when my mom used to say "because" as an answer to any question she didn't want to answer. She didn't do that often, but you know what I'm saying. I guess I just wasn't blessed with that level of casualness in my life. A lot of what I do has a very specific reason behind it. Everything I do has some reason behind it. At least a little. So I don't get it. It is what it is, I'm not freaking out, it's just a curiosity. It's something I don't know how to approach when I want to talk to people about drinking. It usually comes in the context of "oh wow, why don't you drink?". I give them a nice answer and they can't respond in turn. Anyways. It's weird to me.  View / Post Comments (4 comments)

Mobility
December 04, 2006 11:04 AM

So... I got this motorola razr phone about a week ago. Actually, it may have been a month ago for all I know, I've been overwhelmingly busy lately... Anyways, got the razr when I dropped something heavy on my Treo. My Treo was al older 600 model and lacked the handy little feature of bluetooth. Well, the razr's got bluetooth, and that means that with my t-mobile data plan I've got connectivity on my laptop wherever I can get a phone signal. This kicks some serious tail. I'm sitting, once again, in the lobby of the VW dealership, getting my trunk hinges replaced, once again. Without a will do do any actual work, I have decided to blog again. Might just be a momentary thing, but I like the idea of not being pinned to a hot-spot very much. I also like not being at home and writing.

Which reminds me... I'm selling my desktop computer in the next couple of days. Going 100% laptop for a few months. I'm doing this so that I may buy myself a nice little server upgrade. :-) More later, perhaps, my car's done.  View / Post Comments (1 comment)

Lost
August 19, 2006 01:50 PM

A friend of mine decided some time ago to stop drinking. This made me very happy. She used to do something of a variety of drugs, drink and smoke. She didn't jive all that well with the drugs, didn't like being out of control. She quit doing dope and eventually quit smoking as well. Finally she decided that drinking wasn't such a good idea either.

I was happy to see her making healthy choices, I was happy to finally have a friend in Eugene who didn't drink. Her stated reasons for finally stopping drinking were fairly eloquent and I thought, sincere. Basically, there's a fine line between moderate drinking and alcoholism, so why walk the line? Alcohol fucks people up. The benefits do not outweigh the risks.

Anyways. She started drinking again recently. "Moderately" or so she says. I can't say that I wasn't expecting it, and I haven't lost respect for her, but I had hoped she would stick with what she said. But everyone drinks for the most part and there's a lot of social pressure to join up. Plus, people like the way it makes them feel. Go figure. I don't fault her for herding but I am somewhat bummed that I don't have anyone in town to hang out with that doesn't drink.  View / Post Comments (4 comments)

3:08
April 07, 2006 03:14 AM

I hate working during the day. I've gotten more done in the last 3 hours than I could ever get done in 8 normal working hours. I don't always care for the vampire schedule but I dig what I can get done. You see, I don't like working all that much in general. It's not that I don't love what I do, because I do, but that I really do have a lot of other things I'd rather be doing that don't always make money. So, being able to get a lot of stuff done in a short period of time is great. Anyways... just taking a momentary break to munch on a banana and check my email. Weee... Ok, back to work.  View / Post Comments (14 comments)

blogary
April 05, 2006 07:45 PM

I used to write entries for this site as though they were simply being entered into a journal or diary. Over time it became this focused and sort of obsessive blog about being straight edge. I'm not sure that I could or would want to revert back to the journaling mindset while writing entries for this site... I'm not sure it would be possible or desirable to un-focus this site from what it's become. It probably IS better for me to start up another site and let that be my new journal. But since I don't have all that much free time at the moment I will indulge my desire to journal once again on straight edge life.

I had an amazing weekend in California just a few days ago. One of the very best birthdays I've had since the days of rocket-shaped carrot cake in Monterey with a dozen of my 6-year-old friends. In many ways it was the best birthday I've ever had. As time passes and life doesn't really seam to get any easier I am more and more thankful for any and all time that I manage to make enjoyable. It takes effort to create enjoyment. When you're younger it's just there for the taking as school, and particularly summer, shove it in your face. Having three months off each year is really pretty damn nice. I hear the Europeans still take something like 2.5 months worth of government-sanctioned vacation each year. They're on to something if you ask me. But yeah, it's hard work trying to carve out a window of time and opportunity in which one can truly enjoy them self. When I get it I am happy to have it, and this weekend was exactly that. Both from my own efforts and with the help of loved ones.

I didn't work too hard this weekend. I tried something new (took a ballet class. loved it), met a few new folks and hung out in the company of friends. Shot a few photos and ate good food. Might not sound like a dream vacation, but compared to the nightmare of sickness, overwhelming responsibility and financial pressure of late; it was a dream-come-true.

It actually made me think pretty hard about whether I could live in the Bay Area. I'm smart enough to know that location didn't have much to do with my experience. It's more to do with being away from work and close to friends that made the difference. But the more I go down there to visit the more I associate that place with good memories and experiences. Too bad 1,200 square foot homes cost $750,000. Yeah, like I will EVER have $5,000 / month after taxes to spend on a mortgage. Good lord. Anyways. I've got a shitload to do tonight; going beta on a project in the morning, but I sort of needed to journal for a bit before I kicked into high gear for the evening. I'm in my new office (back in the basement after the January raw-sewage flooding incident at the Public Defender's office), and it's extraordinarily tidy. The perfect environment for getting a LOT done. Should be a good work night. Wish I could bring my hardware from home and put it down here, this office is just the right size and just quiet enough that I could get a lot done here on all my projects.

Righty-o. Catch you all later.  View / Post Comments (1 comment)

Moderate Drinking
March 31, 2006 10:13 AM

Google news has three articles this morning saying that of the 54 current studies on the health effects of varying levels of alcohol consumption, only 7 properly classified their user groups of "moderate", "heavy" and "abstainers". 47 of the 54 studies, the ones that showed that alcohol did provide health benefits, clumped recent quitters and people who quit drinking because of failing health into the "abstainers" group. Basically it put the sick and recent addicts into the "abstainers" group. The remaining 7 studies who only included life-long non-drinkers in their "abstainers" group showed that the abstainers had equal or better health than moderate drinkers.

"Too few studies have been done without the "abstainer error" to conclude that drinking has health benefits, the researchers said. "

"Our research suggests light drinking is a sign of good health, not necessarily its cause."

"In the seven studies that counted only long-term teetotalers as abstainers, the results showed they were not more likely to die than moderate drinkers, according to researchers. "

"Specifically, 47 of the 54 studies included in the abstainer category not long-term teetotallers, but people who had recently cut down or stopped drinking. Since many people quit drinking because of declining health, disability, frailty or medication use, there's a good chance these people were less healthy to begin with."

"Initially it appeared the abstainers were at higher risk for heart disease because they refrained from drinking alcohol, and so did not get its protective benefit, when in fact Fillmore says those in the abstainer category were often already frail and predisposed to death."

Med Page Today

The Globe and Mail

Forbes

News Medical.Net

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