Shooting Gig
May 25th, 2003 byGot a shooting gig coming up next week. In Boston. I’ll be shooting film which I love because it doesn’t screw up the focal length on my already limited lens selection. Can’t say that I’ll all that excited about getting out of town. Recently all I’ve wanted to do is sleep. It’s like I just can’t get enough. I’m sure there’s a bit of depression tied into it, but I honestly think I’m just not getting enough sleep these days. Been working really hard, finally making a little bit of money, that kind of stuff.
Something I’m a bit bummed about is the fact that Nichole is going to be out of town for more than two months this summer. Things have been getting better between us lately but it’s not perfect. I’m left feeling annoyingly lonely most of the time and I didn’t expect that with marriage. I guess I didn’t know what to expect with marriage, but being lonely just wasn’t part of it. I don’t know what it’s going to be like while she’s actually gone. Seriously. I’m sort of afraid of it. I think self-esteem plays in to this a bit.
For reasons unmentioned I’m real low on the self-esteem these days. Self-esteem being that thing that let’s you feel confident around other people. And even though I should be happy with who I am regardless of other people, it’s not much help when who I am isn’t very compatible with the people I’m surrounded with. Things that I am proud of mean nothing to other people these days. Making it harder to share my joy. Like the only thing I’m really happy of, proud of even, is completely uninteresting. I’m getting to be a pretty proficient programmer. I’m proud of the sites and the databases I’m building. I’m not doing much design which is about the only thing that carries any prestige when it comes to web development. I used to climb, work as a professional photographer, and was in awesome physical shape. All three of which could hold a conversation on their own. I don’t know. I’ve got a lot more to say about this but I’m going to have to do it later. My wife’s back. The Kevin Smith movie marathon continues. 