Straight Edge Life

My window is open and I’m sitting shirtless in a breeze of midnight air (sorry ladies, no photo ;-). This is unusual for January in Eugene. It’s 58 degrees according to the thermometer in my car. After more than a week in the 30s it feels like 85.

I’m restless. I’m going just a little bit bonkers. I never know how to figure restlessness out. Is there genuinely something wrong, something that needs to be fixed? Is it all in my head? Is it just chemical? The confusing result of a chemical imbalance from stress? Too much work? Too little sleep? Sometimes I’m just too bored of this feeling to do anything about it. I seek distraction or purpose and motivation. It never seems to fix the problem though. I always end up right back here. Restless. Restless and clueless. I don’t know what’s missing. I have no idea. It’s a weird aching feeling that’s probably going to get worse until I take the time to figure it out.

Sometimes I wonder if there’s some sort of condition that describe me. Some medical term of “ariism” or some shit like that. Ariism: the condition of being a hopeless basket case who suffers from a strangely partial sense of self awareness, a lack of motivation, and a tendency to over-engineer his life.

Ug. I’m going to sleep. This fresh air is too nice though. Maybe I’ll just sit here for a while staring at the ceiling, trying to catch my cat, Josie, and pet her for a bit. She’s pretty shy. Really shy actually.