Straight Edge Life

Rock on. All done with yet another programming marathon. I didn’t jack myself up on Caffeine or anything, but I managed to do nearly 50 hours of programming in three days. Maybe that’s not an official marathon so to speak. Rumors abound about guys sleeping under their desks doing 20+ hours a day. 16 is enough for me. More than enough. Anyway.

I seriously love programming. I mean it’s one hell of a challenge and I see a lot of hidden art in doing it well. There is a lot of crap code out there, and good code is really beautiful. And I have to admit that I often like the fact that programming is often unrecognized and unrewarded emotionally. Self masochist? No. What I mean is that I am the one who has to find value in my own work. I’m the one who has to reward myself psychologically when I do it well. I don’t check in with anyone or wait for anyone to pat me on my back for a job well done. It’s all up to me. I have to rely on myself alone for the encouragement to keep my spirits high. 99% of the people in this world have no idea what the difference between good and bad code is anyway. It’s not like a pat on the back from someone who doesn’t know what they are talking about anyways makes me feel good anyway. Does that make sense?

So yeah, this is only part one of phase one. I completely 3 out of 8 sections of phase one. I’ve got five days to complete the other five sections plus any feature requests that come my way tomorrow. Yowza. And then it’s one last massive data conversion from Filemaker to MySQL and it will be time for phase two. I’ve got enough work to take me probably through the end of the year. Yahoo.

In other news… I’ve delayed my trip to Minneapolis by a week. It just doesn’t make sense to take on 2 40+ hour jobs in a given week. And that’s about it. I know, not very exciting. But that’s my life this week.

Slept like a log. Woke up with a plan. I’m out of here. I’m dead set on achieving total mobility. I can work from anywhere with an internet connection, so why don’t I? I’m going to make my server pay for itself by co-locating it and hosting some custom solutions for my existing clients. I’m getting a deal on co-location of the server and I’ve already got clients lined up for the hosting. All good things. Now all I need is the server hardware. This is my plan. The plan is good. Oh yeah, and I really need a car. Pretty tough to get out of town without a car. So, it might take a little while but it’s my plan.

- A small directory for Oregon wifi hotspots and for other states.

Free Wi-Fi access at Dunn Brother’s coffee at a number of locations across Minneapolis.

Didn’t actually finish my last entry. I can’t remember what distracted me but there have been plenty of distractions going around over the last few days. I’ve been innundated with work. A hell of a lot of work. I’m glad, very glad, to be busy. I don’t really understand why it all happens at once. Oh well, the life of a freelancer is rarely predictable.

Went to the county fair last night to take a few photos of the rides. I wasn’t especially inspired but I got a frame or two worth keeping. I’ll go back with my tripod and get sharper images of some of the action tonight or tomorrow. I actually spent the entire day yesterday biking from coffee shop to coffee shop working, waiting for something interesting to happen. Nothing interesting really happened all day. And by the time I tracked down what I thought was going to be interesting, it wasn’t really all that interesting anymore. Most city-wide events in Eugene are letdowns. They are predictable, bland, and completely lack the kind of diversity that adds that much needed spice. So yeah. There are just only so many wannabe homeboys (white), fat corndog eaters, and mullet wearing rednecks that a man can take in his lifetime. After a while, they aren’t even entertainment anymore. It’s just sad. Oh well, I shouldn’t expect much more at a county fair. Back to work.

I’m getting seriously stir crazy. I can’t even stand to be in this house. I don’t think it has anything to do with the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been on for the last few weeks. I think this has to do with the bug to travel that hits me every once in a while. I haven’t been anywhere new for a long time. I haven’t been anywhere exciting or inspiring. I also need to be alone, and it’s too easy for people to track me down when I’m in this house. I want to be ALONE. I want to discover a National Park or a city, or a country for that matter. And I want to do it all on my terms. Eugene always has things to discover. I’m not bashing this place. But sometimes it takes something completely new to rock me off my foundation. Something unavoidable. Something unsubtle. Something unusual. I have to finish this later…

I LOVE MYSQL! Now that you know the bias of this review I’ll get right down the the nitty gritty. MySQL is fast. It’s really fast. Given, my only other experience in the DB world is with 4D and Filemaker. Next to MySQL, they don’t even compare. It’s easy to set up and begin learning. It’s well documented. It’s scalable. It’s available for free under numerous licenses available at the MySQL website and with professional licenses for extremely reasonable licensing fees. I think what I like about it most is that it’s very easy to learn. Given, it requires a pretty good understanding of it’s terminal applications and how to use a terminal in general, but once you have a little bit under your belt it’s grand. One of the other nice things about it is that it connects well with web applications built in Lasso, PHP, WebObjects and ASP. It has an excellent user base, a strong company behind it, and lots of industry support. It’s one open-source project that’s making out very well.

I recommend having a fairly solid understanding of relational database design and theory before you jump into using MySQL. Actually if you already have an understanding of relational database design and are using filemaker you will feel marvelously liberated when you start using MySQL. It’s clean and straight-forward. No joke. Intimidating at first but has few or no “secrets” or “Voodooisms” to make it work and work well.

Personal Telco Project with a comprehensive list of hotspots in the Portland area.

Howdy partners. I’ve added a new item to the SXEL main sidebar. Free Wi-Fi Hotspots. I’ve only located a couple free spots so far, and only in Eugene, but I’m completely convinced that this list will grow quickly. Please, please, please contact me with additions to this list. Especially in major metro areas like Minneapolis, Portland, Atlanta, Houston, or Boston.

6th and Olive area. Right on the other side of Down To Earth Home and Garden. It’s advertised as a free wi-fi spot. You can get a signal outside but the signal isn’t especially strong. And I’m sure they would prefer you go in and have a drink with your free internet access anyway.

The Wild Duck has closed it’s doors. Gone out of business.

8th and Olive, downtown Eugene. You can pull into the parking lot outside the store and get a full signal from inside the store. The network is not guarded by a password and it would be nice to keep it that way. Be discreet.

The end. Now that a few friends know about this site and read it with some regularity I am starting to wonder if I’m being as honest and open as I want to be. Full disclosure and all of that. I know I started this thing because I wanted to meet more straight-edge people. But I guess it’s sort of transformed into a dumping ground for some of my innermost ramblings. A very relaxing dumping ground I might add. I didn’t expect that anyone would actually read it or accidentally find it or anything like that. Now, as people are writing to me and letting me know what they think I think… well I think it’s changing how and what I’m writing. You know what I think? I think I’m going very quickly from needing people to wanting very badly to be away from them. I don’t think it has to do with this site really at all. I need some time on my own to figure out my own take on life, the universe, and everything.

Here’s something else I’ve been thinking about. No more TV. I want to get away from TV. It’s too distracting and I think it kills both my imagination and my motivation. It just kills time. And too much of it. Honestly, I have better things to do and I’m getting annoyed with myself that they aren’t happening as soon as I want them too.

There’s a moment each day after sunset where light and dark wrestle for rank. It’s quite. It’s subtle. It’s my favorite time of day. The blue depth of night and the orage afterglow of the sunset work well together to make mundane subjects more appealing. Strangely enough I know a few people who are perpetually living in this time. I ran into one today, we talked until early in the morning. Desperation, loneliness and fear together with hope, love and strength. It was too much for me. And today I’m struggling to shake the feeling of darkness from my soul. What I love about that moment each day is that it will eventually cycle through blue and back to gold again in the morning. What scared me about my friend was that it wasn’t a moment at all. It probably just freaked me out because I’ve been there myself for unhealthy spans of time. No longer, but I’ve definitely done my time in that place.

A damn fine cast. But somehow the friggin’ Dell Computer commercial kid worked his way into the main villain character. What the hell is that? Actually I’m not entirely positive it’s him but it’s enough of a resemblence that it bugged me. Which I guess is effective enough when he’s in the villain character. But about the movie itself… Good action, not a lot of gore, a bit of comedy. All good. I give it 6 out of a possible 10. It seemed a tiny bit over-acted. The camera movements were a little too refined for an action flick, which had the effect of feeling a bit slow in the beginning. Overall it seemed realistic enough and it was definitely paced quickly enough to keep you interested. Even though it was a bit slow at first It didn’t drag at all. Matinee.

I cruised on down to Humble Bagel this morning for a late breakfast of sesame, chive cream chees and an Odwalla Juice. Nice enough day. A little humid for Eugene but relatively cool and the air is sweet. So I sit down to enjoy my bagel, take a bite and realize that I need something to read. I hop up and grab an ODE, Weekly and a Comic News. This is when things get weird. I open up the Comic News and NOTHING is funny. Not Bizarro, not News Of The Weird, not Mr. Boffo. NOTHING. Some just weren’t funny, and a frighteningly large number of comics just don’t make any kind of sense to me. So, as far as I’m concerned, I was abducted by aliens last night and they replaced my brain with someone else’s. I’m usually rolling on the floor when I pick up a Comic News. Something is definitely wrong. Stay tuned for updates. I’m not sure what’s going on and I’m kinda scared about it.

You know. It’s been three weeks since Nichole asked for a divorce. I haven’t seen her since she left for Boston more than five weeks ago (yes, she asked for a divorce over the phone). How long it’s been before that that I felt like we were close? A long long time. I’ve had so many questions for so long about the relationship. So many red flags that made me think that she just didn’t want to be here. I never got any answers to any of those questions until the day she asked for a divorce. It was a big fucking question mark for a long long time. Counseling didn’t help. All the stuff we tried just didn’t help. We communicated well, fantastically even, but she changed so quickly during our marriage that I guess it didn’t matter. It took her a long time to realize that I really wasn’t the man for her afterall. And when she figured that out, there was no discussion. So Yeah. The bottom line is that I am sad but I feel great because all the Questions are gone. It’s not really that they have been answered; because I would have liked more honesty from her during the relationship. But I know she may have not known what she was thinking and was trusting her gut. And now, now I’m free to move on with my life and stop being so concerned with why my spouse is soo distant all the time. Does that make sense? Really. I’m sad that it’s ending but I couldn’t ask her to be somewhere she doesn’t want to be. It certainly wasn’t healthy for me. And I know I didn’t give up. The questions are gone or are now irrellevant. And that makes me happy.

Ok, so I’ve been cruising a buttload of online personals sites over the last few days. I think I want to feel like there are possibilities out there or something. Anyway, Emode rocks. It’s got all the fun tests like the spark and one of the best personals setups I’ve ever seen. So check it out. It’s damn cool and a lot of fun.

a cool personality testing / personals site.

Ok. So now I’ve had my first pet disaster. I was trying to do a little grooming on Fluffbutt and proceeded to slice the poor guy up pretty badly. He didn’t even peep or complain or anything. And, because of the direction I was trimming in, I wouldn’t have noticed anything was happening either had I not looked directly under my hand. So I spent most of the weekend taking care of horror movie cat Fluff Butt. Seriously he had these giant pieces of gnarly skin hanging off with monster red wounds underneath. I nearly passed out about eight times. But I can now tell you how to clean a cat injury with your eyes closed… the only way for a guy like me to keep from fainting. Anyway, he didn’t seem to mind at all. Didn’t appear to be in any pain or anything. The Vet said he probably didn’t really notice it happened until he started grooming about an hour later; and even then it probably didn’t hurt. Said he’d probably be more traumatized by the fact that after she stitches him back up he won’t have any hair. He’s really proud of his hair. Anyway. That’s my weekend.

PS: Ok. I’ve saved you all from the really horrible actual photo before Fluffbutt went to the vet. A bit too gory. But at least you can see the awesome shavev job and monster line of stitches behind his front legs.

I’m on a hunt for WPA posters from 1936-1943. IF anybody knows of where I can find some I would be jazzed to hear about it. WPA posters were used during Roosevelt’s “New Deal” with America as propoganda to get people excited about national parks and the country in general. They have a very distinct style that I have no idea how to describe. I think you would know one of these if you saw them.

I pretty much have one focus right now. I’m waiting too long for clients to cut checks. I feel like well, fuck it; if I’m basically working for free I might as well be working for myself. So until I see a new check I’m working on 3G. It’s moving along quite nicely. A lot of what I’ve learned on client projects is going into it. I’m a better, faster, more efficient programmer these days and I feel super solid about the code for this project.

In a few other ways I’m relying on this focus for other levels of comfort and support. Nichole left me. Wants a divorce. Period. The levels of confusion and sadness in me are nearly overwhelming. I don’t think there’s much chance for depression in my future. This is just pure sensory overload. Having a focus keeps me from thinking about the sadness too much. I don’t fear depression but I do fear what I might do to end my sadness and pain. I don’t drink, smoke, do drugs… So what do I do? It’s just fucked to think about it. Shameful. But suicide has passed through my head in the last week or so. It’s not going to happen. Not with me. But when I’ve moved from 5 years of numbness to acute pain with little or no transition I don’t know what to do. I’ve been doing archery a lot. I’ve been programming a lot. I’ve been watching a lot of movies. I’ve been doing what I can to keep myself surrounded by people. And that helps a lot. Anyway, back to work for me.

My god, don’t spend money on this movie. It’s got cute girls in it, but that just doesn’t make up for the fact that it sucks. It’s a roughly strung-together series of cookie-cutter action sequences with little or no plot and absolutely none of the style that made T1 and T2 so much more fun. It’s sad to see a nice science fiction idea with so much potential demolished so completely. It’s as if, when designing the movie, they picked the action sequences that they wanted and tried to wiggle a plot in around it. They failed. It’s terrible. But if you can set all of that aside and want to watch a couple of cool action sequences; see it. But don’t pay full price and go with a friend so you won’t have to laugh at it’s stupidity alone.

Michael Kane and Brendon Frasier might not be the first two people you would place together in leading roles in a movie about pre-war vietnam, but it works, and works well. Kane plays a brittish journalist and Frasier plays an American cia agent working undercover and the dynamic between them is hearty. Love, politics and war mix together so completely that any hope of a black and white understanding of each character’s actions is impossible. It’s the fist time when I’ve seen this narrative style delivered so effectively.

The entire movie was shot with normal lenses, probably in the range of 35-70mm and is frighteningly sharp. The audience is teased with stunning visual clarity while being forced to negotiate a tricky narrative style. The exposure ranges from nearly bleached in daylight scenes to delicate and well detailed in indoor scenes. The harmony of photography and storytelling is wonderful. If you are a sensitive or observant viewer you will get a lot out of the film. Including a good understanding of the underlying reasons for US involvment in Vietnam. As frightening as it turns out to be.

I watched part of this movie years and years ago and thought it was really cool. I finally rented it and watched the whole thing yesterday. It’s damn long and it’s not quite “captivating”, but I really liked it. American culture, science, and personalities mix together to paint a very entertaining portrait of America’s first efforts in space. The all star cast certainly didn’t hurt.

Three good things about this movie: jock boy (Ostereicher), jock boy’s girlfriend, and Kevin’s girlfriend aren’t in it. It’s down to the core team of Jim, Stiffler, Shitbrick and Kevin. That is about it. It’s got some funny parts but really just failed to keep me interested from one scene to another.