Straight Edge Life

Ann and I headed out to the pumpkin patch last night and scored a couple of nicely shaped squashes (what the hell is the plural of squash anyway?) and made a mess in the kitchen.

I had to drive all the way up to Portland to deal with one of my web servers last night. Stupid thing just stopped accepting connections. I could ping it just fine. Just couldn’t get in. Started out from Eugene at 2 AM. On the way chemical spill on I-5 rerouted me way out on 99 east and horrible fog both on the way up and back slowed the trip down to a crawl. So I didn’t get any sleep last night obviously. I tried to sleep when I got back at 8 but got about 9 calls in the three hours when I was in bed. I finally decided to give up and just get out of bed. I figured my rich boy next door neighbor (his parents gave him the house as a high school graduation gift), who has been vibrating objects off my shelves with “eye of the tiger” all week, would crank his butt rock up pretty soon make sleep even more impossible. What a crappy day. On top of all of this I had to deal with a security threat on a different server and maintain some semblance of social dignity because family friends and my dad are in town. Blech.

Kristin Hersh. I can put her on and instantly bring back a million memories of my friend Sara from college. The music makes me feel like I do about so many people in my past. Conflicted. Like I never managed to get it right with any of them. They’re a million miles away, inaccessible and emotionally distant. I don’t feel connected. I get like this when I’m searching for ways to end, and reasons for, this growing feeling on loneliness. Maybe it’s this big old house I’m in. Maybe it’s just a lack of sleep. Maybe it’s more than just friends. Maybe I miss everything. I can’t quite put my finger on it. But I think it’s good to put on Hersh and keep my head above the sand. It’s easy to settle. It’s better to remind myself that things aren’t right. That things need to change. Whether or not I know what exactly to do to make things right. Eventually it will all make sense.